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Message board > COPING WITH FAMILY ISSUES
COPING WITH FAMILY ISSUES
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anitarobi
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COPING WITH FAMILY ISSUES
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Dear all,
there �s one topic that has always sort of bugged me in my teaching career and that �s FAMILY ISSUES. I don �t mean linguistically, I mean educationally, socially. Let me clarify the two points that bug me:
1. when you teach family vocabulary, do you ever feel awkward when you know in advance or find out in the middle of the lesson that one or more of your sts have a difficult family situation, that their parents fight... I mean, I know that �s normal nowadays, but when I got a comment from my 9-year-old student (the cutest smiling girl), I was shocked, speechless... when I asked her to describe her mother or father, she said: �I �ll describe my mother. I don �t have a father, I never have and I hope I never will. Fathers are awful... � What do you say/do in situations like this???
2. when you meet members of a sts � family and you see there �s something wrong, what do you do? I once had a teenage st who was a normal, challenging boy, interested in science subjects, very nice to me, but hated foreign languages in general and lacked the talent. I saw that he was being forced to take the lessons and wasn �t making a lot of progress, so I tried to speak to the mother - I work at a foreign language school, so our classes are optional, kids don �t legally HAVE to take them. She refused to talk to me at first, then stormed into my classroom in the middle of the lesson, said she was a kindergarten teacher herself and knew how to work with kids, and she shouted at me what was I trying to do, and added, almost proudly, that I had no business talking to her abour her son, because if I did, her husband would beat the hell out of her and the boy... She then stormed out, leaving me speechless, my class shocked, her son, sitting among his classmates, ashamed, but obviously used to that... Some 2 weeks later, she stopped sending her son to my classes - he still says hi every time he meets me, she pretends she has no idea who I am... It was 10 years ago, but I still remember every detail. I know I would approach the whole thing differently now, with my own long teaching experience and parenting experience as well. And it �s not like all my experiences with parents are bad - most of them are really nice and co-operative...
My questions to you are:
1. how do you deal with such a family problem(as the one in no1 above) in class - does it influence the way you prepare your lesson, would you change the lesson flow if it happened... (I know what I do and would, but I �d love to hear your methods)
2. how do you react to �situations � with parents, how do they influence your teaching, if they do...
Thanks in advance to all who join this discussion - I know it �s not an easy topic during these summer days, but not all of you are on holiday, right?
Anita |
12 Aug 2009
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Spagman63
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Hi Anita.
First of all, that parent should have had more respect for you than barging into your class. You need to tell her this is unprofessional and if she needs to talk to you she can arrange an appropriate time. (that �s for future reference)
Nowadays, it is hard to talk about a traditional family. I �m worried someday I will find a flashcard set that has two mothers or fathers in it for the "family". How can I support this in good conscience? I try to avoid asking things like, " How many of you have a mother?" or "What does your father do?"
I am constantly being bothered by parents either directly or through the administration. They always think they know better. I �d like to ask them to teach a lesson and let me observe. lol I have a good track record and most parents know my reputation but there are some who are too demanding. I had one woman ask me if her son would pass the Trinity test after ONE LESSON.  I �ve never been faced with what happened to you. BTW, you never said what you did about her disruption. lol
not all of you are on holiday, right?
What �s a holiday? lol We only get off for government holidays or typhoons. Blow wind blow!
c ya
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12 Aug 2009
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anitarobi
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Hi, spagman, thanks for making me smile. This horrible parent happened to me 10 years ago and she was one of those who speak their mind, or shout their mind, and then leave before you �ve had a chance to say anything. Of course, before approaching her, I talked to my mentor, called the mother, invited her to a session (I �ve always had a special time set for parents and they get written notification about that, my work e-mail address, and special invitations for the parents-teacher conference). What did I do? I wasn �t shocked with what she said (except for the part about being beaten) because I knew something was wrong when she was rude on the phone and refused to come to a meeting. I was shocked with her coming in class, embarassing her son that way (he was 12 at the time - imagine him in a classroom of peers!!! poor kid) and screaming her head off like that before I had a chance to say anything. Of course I tried to take her aside into the hallway, but you can imagine how that went, and telling her about meeting at a more appropriate time got this answer from her: �Why would we meet privately - are you ashamed of anything? I have nothing to hide!!! � After she had stormed out, I took a deep breath, told the kids we all have our bad days, and not to worry, and let �s go on with our classes. When the lesson was over, I cried my heart out in the closet, called my mentor, reported the incident, and she came to several of my lessons afterwards, to be there, observe and react in case the woman or , god forbid, her husband, came back. But, let bygones be bygones...(I only get shivers when people tell me teachers have most problems with teacher �s children and parents who are teachers - my son is just starting school this autumn and I hope I �m never like that!)
I agree with you about demanding parents - so many of them make their children miserable and never truly recognise, but bury, their children �s true potential. As you say, most of my track record with parents is good too - in my 16 years of teaching I �ve only had 3 such experiences, and they have been valuable and taught me a lesson, but one of them happened this autumn (would you believe it?) over the phone, in the middle of our office - a mother wanted to tell us how to run courses and started calling me names I wouldn �t care to repeat, so I just told her it was not the level of conversation I cared to continue, I would convey it to my boss, wished her a good day and hung up. My bosses were right next to me, congratulated me, bought me coffee, made a note about the parent in our computer system and asked me to write an official statement for the school �s archives about it.
As for the holidays, I don �t work in a government school, but I also only get holidays in August, whereas September, December, June and May, I work extra hours I wouldn �t even want to count. But I love my job, I respect my bosses (and vice versa) and I �m happy. This is just an incident (you should hear the stuff my sister hears in the hotel she works at). Thanks for your answer... |
12 Aug 2009
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anitarobi
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I �m only writing this addition to remove my long-ish answer to spagman...
Come on, people, share with us! Are you really going to make me feel things like this only happen in my country? That would be weird!!!! |
12 Aug 2009
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meuge
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Anita!!!
That happens everywhere!!! You are not alone....
As regards teaching the family topic... when I started teaching..let �s say more thatn fifteen years ago I used to deal with the family theme in a very different manner as I do now... I carried on the class with the vocabulary part, then building sentences, questions, etc and making my students draw their own family tree... till I had a class where four kids had no father or mother... they had died in a car accident one, and from serious illnesses the others... so I made up my mind and took famous characters family trees... or from known families... That kind of solved the awkward situation....
Second point... parents are very hard to manage (though not all of them...) we always have to be very sure and confident about what we are doing... to be firm in our decisions and ideas... to know what we are teaching and above all be supportive and open-minded... Right now...in exactly 20 minutes I have an appointment with one of my own children �s teachers... but this time the roles are changed...I am the mother... (in fact I also teach her English at school.. so I will be there as English teacher and as a parent - hard thing also...) but I will be listening to what the teachers are saying .... and what they say.... most of the times -is correct... that is why I must take that as a golden rule... because we are relying on them and we have to believe in them....
Well... time to go... I will be back and read all the answers... This is a fantastic topic to discuss...
Going!!!
Bye!!!
M. Eugenia
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12 Aug 2009
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mariamit
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Hi Anita,
Interesting topic you�ve started here. Let�s see, I work in a public middle school in Greece which has students from different socio-economic levels so I�ve met all types of parents. Things like the incident you describe happen everywhere. Spagman worries about same-sex parent families. Hey, my sister who is a maths teacher in New York has at least 3-4 same sex families in all her classes.
Personally, try to stay awy from questions of the �what does your father/mother do?� type. When teaching family vocabulary I give the students a family tree to complete and then I study it and make a note of anything that looks �different� next to the student�s name so that I can avoid difficult situations.
As to �situations� well, I�ve had to deal with parents trying to interfere like Spagman says. I am usually very strict with these type of parents. I have been known to tell them to do their job and to allow me to do mine. Unfortunately, I have had to report cases of child abuse to the social worker responsible for our school in the past. All in all, most parents are cooperative and supportive. If once in a while a difficult comes along and I can�t handle him/her under any circumstances I ask for help from the head of the school. If this doesn�t work, the head usually asks for counselling that is provided by the psychologists responsible for the school.
Every school year I make a pledge to myself not to allow parents to ruffle my feathers.I have just returned from a short holiday and now I�m relaxing at my seaside village so maybe I�m being a bit of an optimist. Then again September is around the corner, sooo, we�ll see. Maria |
12 Aug 2009
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serene
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Hi Anita!
I teach at an upper secondary state school so my students � age range is 16-18. Every year I have some students with family problems or coming from broken families. This is what I do to avoid awkward situations in the middle of a lesson. At the beginning of the school year when I first meet a new group of students, I introduce myself and talk to them about myself, my family, important events in my life, my likes and dislikes, anything that i think might interest them and i answer all their questions (unless they are intentionally too personal or provocative). At the end of the lesson I give them an assignment for home. I ask them to spend some time considering all the things that they would like me to know about them and write a letter which they give me in the following lesson. Of course i explain to them that this is not a test (actually I tell them they can use their mother tongue if they find it difficult to express themselves in English) and that their letters will not be read out in class. When I read their texts, I am always surprised at how much they are willing to reveal about themselves and their families. This way I learn a lot about my students � background and at the same time I get an idea about their linguistic level. And most important I know right from the beginning which students are going to need special attention.
Hugs from Greece
serene |
12 Aug 2009
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JudyHalevi
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I give each child a character, eg. You are John Kennedy. The student then has to find out all about their character, mother, father, sisters, brothers, etc. and that way there are no personal issues involved.
 from Israel Judy |
12 Aug 2009
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Mariethe House
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I shall join the conversation later dear Anita! This is a very interesting post!
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12 Aug 2009
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mariannina
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With little children the topic "family" is pretty delicate because they are very, very young and they are not always able to unbosom, tell what they feel, when there are problems in their families. When I have a new group, I ask children to draw their families and I add, if they feel like doing it, to invent a family. They have the choice to draw their real one or a fantasy family. After that I have a look and I ask each children to describe what they drew. If there are problems, little bye little, the child opens his/her heart and I find a way not to hurt them during the school activity. Let �s skip problems with some parents...it would be a too long talking! I always involve the headmaster, because it �s better that the "authority" knows that a teacher hasn �t been respected! |
12 Aug 2009
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Mariethe House
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I �ll quote Mariannina:
"I always involve the headmaster, because it �s better that the "authority" knows that a teacher hasn �t been respected"
And I �ll quote you Anita:
"so I just told her it was not the level
of conversation I cared to continue, I would convey it to my boss,
wished her a good day and hung up. My bosses were right next to me,
congratulated me, bought me coffee, made a note about the parent in our
computer system and asked me to write an official statement for the
school �s archives about it."
You did the right thing here , so you know what to do, don �t you?
I think that kind of parents need to be managed by the people in authority and who have the responsibility of the school management i.e. The Head!
And I will add, Anita, Trust yourself! You are such a good and honest person that noone has the right to treat you like that! The woman who flew into your class is mentally not right .... So, you must have been terrified and paralyzed! I would have been!
The question I ask myself is: How can a parent storm into your class? Aren �t there any security devices? In France if a stranger comes to the school, he has to go through the secretary office, decline identity and say why he has come to the school
. If he wants to see a teacher, he/ she has to make an appointment and if the interview between teacher and parent doesn �t go well, it �s up to the Head to mediate! The most important advice I would give is: Refer to authrity and don �t stay alone with the problem!
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12 Aug 2009
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