Hello, Gang............

 

I just wanted to run something past you. I �ve actually encountered this several times in the last couple of years, so I thought I �d see if anybody else has run across it.

 

"Had better" --- as in �You *had better* do _____________"  ---   I �ve been cringing ever since I arrived in China and discovered that this is being routinely taught in Chinese primary and secondary schools.  

 

While I realize that all English speaking countries have culturally different language norms,  this one has just always rubbed me the wrong way.  My Chinese students are not taught that this is (usually) rather strong language, and not to be used on a routine basis.  In the Southern USA, one just does *not* use this unless they are talking to a peer or close friend. Otherwise, they are dancing on the edge of rudeness.  Additionally, a former coworker from South Africa told me that he finds it terribly offensive, even more so than I do.  So,  I �m curious --- where does this usage sit with others out there?  Has this ever come up? How do you handle it with students?

 

Generally, I will make my point with my students by asking them if the culture of Australia is the same as the culture of England or USA or Canada. They will always reply, "of course not".   Then, with feigned shock, I ask, "But why not? They all speak English!".  And that �s generally when I see the light bulb come on.  I remind them that just because a country speaks English doesn �t mean they all use the language in the same way.  Then I strongly suggest that they should probably just be safe and *not* use this, since they don �t have a way to know if the native English speaker they are talking to will find it offensive or not.

 

Anyway --- has anybody else encountered this? It happened again today, so I finally remembered to ask.  

You �d better hurry up, you �d better get going so you don �t miss the bus sound common and usual to me, not rude. A caregiver or parent could say this in a gentle, kind tone without being offensive at all--just reminding the child.

 

I �d better take care of this, I �d better deposit this check before I forget, also sounds usual to me. I think the tone taken when speaking such sentences makes them sound either normal or aggressive. When spoken sharply, they would be considered rude.

I agree with spinney and redcamarocruiser. The phrase is not rude at all in my neck of the woods (England), but it can sound threatening, depending on the tone. What bothers me (not a lot though) is that it �s often shortened to just �better �. You better believe it! 

@Mary,

Notice that your examples, and your explanation, involve someone in authority using the expression. I agree with you about that.

 

I think the original complaint is about a more widespread use of the expression, in which case it could be seen as rude

 

Bruce 

 

 

Or... someone who is implying "Do it, or else"!
 

Thanks, guys! 

 

I �m originally from Alabama.  This is just not something an "underling" (child, subordinate employee, etc) says to their superior. You just don �t.  

 

"I had better...." -- yeah, no problem. I �m doing it to myself then.   But others? Nope. Not a good idea. As a rule. Exceptions to everything, of course. But just as a general guideline.