Members:
Today, in this Competition, ESLP Members of outstanding academic ability, have submitted their definitions of the word PETRICHOR.
YOU, Ladies and Gentlemen, now have the unique privilege of observing some of the finest brains of the century, demonstrate the application of remarkable forensic linguistic punctiliousness.
Before submission by the Members, every fragment of their meticulous research was correct to the nth degree. Absolute accuracy was the Golden Rule. Every finite detail was clinically forensicked.
In relation to this Competition, the �Doctors of Diacritics of Durham �, (whom I have the honour to serve on the Committee, as the Tea Person), issued a Statement!
"Never, in the field of human endeavour, has our Organisation encountered so many terminalogical inexactitudes, nor experienced such unmitigated, duplicitous, tawdry, fallacious fabrications!!!"
Contributors to the Competition ... Congratulations!
So, I hesitate to give my daffynition.
PETRICHOR = A Choir, cast in Stone.
An 8-year-old USA boy, who is studying for his Professor of Archaeology exams, had been assisting at the excavations in Pompeii, Italy. This was the scene of the tragic eruption of Mount Vesuvius, in 79 AD, burying all the inhabitants of the city. The exact date has always remained a mystery ... until now.
Working alone, with a teaspoon and a toothbrush, the child had excavated an area which contained the bodies of a group of singers, complete with granite song-sheets. The bodies were covered in clay, and then a layer of volcanic ash. Within the clay were fragments of eggshells, and also tomato seeds. Nearby, he also found two separate slivers of sandstone, from a Diary, each with the number 2 chiselled upon it.
By means of advanced DNA analysis, the boy was able to confirm that the choir had been performing at an open-air theatre. Immediately adjacent, was a Fruit and Vegetable stall. The owner had a reputation for selling rotten fruit and bad eggs.
Using modern, scientific methods, the 8-year-old was able to prove conclusively that the choir had been pelted with missiles, (mud, over-ripe fruit, and bad eggs), whilst singing a subversive song:
"Caesar is the geezer, with the big red nose!"
The amazing child was also able to pin-point the exact date of the volcanic eruption ... the 2nd of February!
When asked to explain, the boy-genius modestly replied: "I just put 2 and 2 together!"
Les Douglas
