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ESL forum >
Ask for help > What mark will you give???
What mark will you give???
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fsams
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What mark will you give???
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Hey dear everyone...I need your help..can you plx mark this letter written by one of my bright students.. Question: Your school has received a large sum of money to improve its �facilities for after school activities. Write a letter to your Head teacher giving your suggestions. (150-200 words) (please give a mark out of 18, max 9 for content + max9 for style and accuracy) And please gimme your feedback about this student as well :) Student Response : Dear Head teacher,
It was great to hear that our school has received a sum of money to improve the facilities for after-school activities. Being the captain of the school, I would like to give my opinion as well as share the views of the students regarding this matter.
First of all, many students have suggested that the money should be used to buy more computers. For example, now there are only 10 computers in our lab and there are 15 students in a class, and we have to share two each. So, sometimes it becomes really difficult. If you could buy more computers it would be very easy for us and we will not have to share.
Furthermore, as we were discussing about this in the Canteen, many said that the best way to utilize it is to buy new sports equipment or library books. For instance, the sports equipment have become old and most of them are unusable. Moreover, we have become tired of reading the same books everyday. So you could buy new sports equipment or buy new library books. I feel that both the ways we will be benefited. (190 words)
Thanking you.
Yours faithfully,
Ibrahim Rasheed
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25 Aug 2009
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miss K.
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I would give 17 - the content is excellent (reasons are given why money have to be spent the certain way). I �ll give 8 for accuracy as last sentence isn �t formed correctly. He could �ve written "I feel that we �ll benefit in both cases" or something similar. This seems to be a student caring for his studies and school, or at least, he understand what he has to do and can complete the task correctly and perfectly. |
25 Aug 2009
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libertybelle
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I agree - a well-written letter.
There is a bit of repetition - the part about sharing and:
If you could buy more computers it would be very easy for us and we will not have to share.
It should say if you could buy more computers, it would make life/ the lessons easier for us.
a 17 would be my grade.
L
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25 Aug 2009
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fsams
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Thanx a bunch for your views and marks...I really appreciate ....It would make my student really happy :)
I need more gradings and comments from others...plx
Love
Fsams |
25 Aug 2009
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fsams
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Can any one from The Great Britain mark it...Actually I �m teaching English as a Second Language and my students will do their exam in October/November.
Any help would be really appreciated
fsams |
25 Aug 2009
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vickyvar
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I agree with the previous replies. It is a well-organised piece of writing, without any spelling mistakes, with correct sentence structure and grammar. The only thing that I believe is missing is a conclusion / summary paragraph before signing off. Thus I would give it a 16 out of 18.
Hope that I helped!
Take care.
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25 Aug 2009
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N.F.T
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A very respectable piece of writing. There was an introduction, a body (content and developement of ideas) and a good conclusion. I give it 17 as well. What I liked was that this student has obviously researched information on structuring a letter (or you did an excellent job teaching this topic and the student has absorbed that information). The actual subject of the letter was RESTATED in the introduction and various ideas were introduced and well developed through the letter. As the other teachers have pointed out to you, there were a few grammatical errors but the MESSAGE WAS STILL CLEAR despite this.
17 for sure!
You should show the positive feedback in this forum to your student - could be very encouraging!
M |
25 Aug 2009
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