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A penguin walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Has my father been in here?" The bartender says, "I don �t know. What does he look like?"
A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
A skeleton walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "What �ll you have?" The skeleton says, "Give me a beer, and a mop."
A guy walks into a bar in Cork, in Ireland, and asks the barman: "What �s the quickest way to get to Dublin?" "Are you walking or driving?" asks the barman. "Driving," says a man. "That �s the quickest way," says the barman.
A tourist goes into a bar where a dog is sitting in a chair playing poker. He asks, "Is that dog there really playing poker?" And the bartender says, "Yeah, but he �s not too smart. Whenever he has a good hand, he starts wagging his tail."
A man walks into a bar with a giraffe. He says, "A beer for me and one for my giraffe." And they stand around drinking for hours until the giraffe passes out on the floor. The man pays the tab and gets up to leave. The bartender says, "Hey! You �re not going to leave that lyin � on the floor, are you?" The man says, "That �s not a lion, it �s a giraffe."
A blind man walks into a bar, grabs his dog by its hind legs and swings him around in a circle. The bartender says, "Hey, buddy, what are you doing?" And the blind man says, "Don �t mind me. I �m just looking around."
The children were lined up in the cafeteria
of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large
pile of apples.
The nun made a note, and posted on the
apple tray: �Take only ONE. God is watching.�
Moving further along the lunch line, at the
other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chipcookies.A child had
written a note, �Take all you want. God is watching the apples.
Jonah
and the whale
A little
girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was
physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was
a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that
Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated,
the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was
physically impossible.
The little
girl said, �When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah�.
Yes! It made me smile.... and laugh!
Thank you!!!
