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Ask for help > check with me and correct my mistakes please
check with me and correct my mistakes please
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floona
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check with me and correct my mistakes please
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the novel of Ernest Hamngway was made as a film (the old man and the sea) and my homework is to write a summary of a film
I wrote a summary of the film
please read it, check and tell me if there are mistakes. am waiting
There was an old man (Santiago) who spend
his time with fishing. He was a brave fisherman. He was a lion. He taught a young boy (Manolin) how to
fish, but because he didn �t catch any
fish along 84 days. The boy �s father reject him from going to the old fisherman.
One day, the old man decided to go early. He went before the sunrise and got in
his boat and head out to fish. The old man found a very big fish. It was a very
strength battle between the old man and the big fish, but the old man succeed .
He strapped the fish to the side of the boat and went head home. On the way, he
was attacked by sharks. They eat the fish and the old man was too tired. He
tried, but at the end he arrived to the shore with only skeleton. The old man
went to sleep and dreamed of the lion of his youth.
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16 May 2011
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floona
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spend his time in fishing
sorry by mistake i wrote with
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16 May 2011
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Abdou1980
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this story is about the past, so all the verbs should be in the past.
spend = spent
eat= ate
succeed= succeeded
(Santiago) = use commas instead of brackets
you should put a full stop after �how to fish �
but because he didn �t catch any
fish along 84 days= this is a run-non (it is better to say: because Manolin didn �t catch any
fish for 84 days, his father prevented him from seeing the old fisherman.)
still there are many mistakes as regards punctuation marks, conjunctions and development. I am sure you are to come up with a great final draft. good luck
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16 May 2011
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Abdou1980
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this story is about the past, so all the verbs should be in the past.
spend = spent
eat= ate
succeed= succeeded
(Santiago) = use commas instead of brackets
you should put a full stop after �how to fish �
but because he didn �t catch any
fish along 84 days= this is a run-non sentence (it is better to say: because Manolin didn �t catch any
fish for 84 days, his father prevented him from seeing the old fisherman.)
still there are many mistakes as regards punctuation marks, conjunctions and development. I am sure you are to come up with a great final draft. good luck
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16 May 2011
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suhakhader
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Hi Floona,
Here is another suggestion. I think that the verb "spend" is used as the following:
She spent her time in fishing. But I think that we need to have other native speakers � opinions.
The Oxford Advanced Learners � Dictionary includes:
1- spend something on something/on doing something: She spent �100 on a new dress.
spend (something doing something) The company has spent thousands of pounds updating their computer systems.I just can �t seem to stop spending.
2 [transitive] to use time for a particular purpose; to pass timespend something + adverb/preposition: We spent the weekend in Paris.
How do you spend your spare time?
Her childhood was spent in Italy.
spend something on something: How long did you spend on your homework?
spend something doing something: I spend too much time watching television.
I �ve spent years trying to learn Japanese.
spend something in doing something: Most of her life was spent in caring for others.
Good luck!
Looking forward to hearing more opinions! |
16 May 2011
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Naoom
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rejected not reject.
I donot like ( He was a lion). try to think in English.Your writing is influenced by Arabic.
Check got in OR got in to .
Dear , I think you have to read the text itself. You will aquire stronger voice of language.
GOOD NIGHT,
Naoom |
16 May 2011
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ldthemagicman
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Dear Floona,
Here is my idea of your story.
The Old Man and the Sea (Ernest Hemingway)
There was an old man, called Santiago, who spent his time fishing. He was a fearless fisherman, with a heart like a lion. He taught a young boy, whose name was Manolin, how to fish. Eventually, however, the boy �s father refused to let the boy go fishing with the old fisherman, because Santiago had gone 84 days without succeeding in catching a fish.
The next day, the old man decided to go fishing early. He went out before sunrise, got into his boat, and headed out to sea. After some time, the old fisherman hooked a huge fish. It was enormous! The struggle was truly a veritable battle of strength between the old man and the massive fish. After many days, the old fisherman succeeded in overcoming it.
He strapped the fish to the side of his boat and headed for shore. On the way home, he was attacked by many sharks. They constantly ate the gigantic fish, but the old man was too exhausted to repel them. He tried, but in the end, he reached the shore with only the immense skeleton remaining.
The old man fell asleep, dreaming of his youth and of lions he had seen on an African beach.
Les |
17 May 2011
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suhakhader
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Thank you so much, dear Les! A perfect description! |
17 May 2011
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