�Salt Petreman�

In the United Kingdom, this phrase is on everybody�s lips, because it�s as well-known as the back of your hand.  It�s as plain as the nose on your face.

As a matter of fact, it is so run-of-the-mill, that it�s no exaggeration to say that, at this moment in time, it is a clich�.  To put it bluntly, (and this no word of a lie), we avoid it like the proverbial plague.  We hate, loathe and despise it.  I would never, ever, ever use it.  No way!  Show me a clich� and I run a mile!

But the rules of �Word of the Day� state that contestants must give a witty explanation.  So, I will break the habit of a lifetime and attempt to introduce a little humour into this lugubrious dirge.

The phrase is not 2 words, (�Salt� �Petreman�), but 3, (�Sal�, �TPE�, �Treman�).

Immediately, those of you with razor-sharp brains, who can finish a Wordsearch Puzzle in one short month, can visualise the answer.

The first word, �Sal�, is short for �Sally�, who is the heroine, travelling to work at the seaside.

She sells electric batteries to people on the beach, for their Walkman, CDs etc.  You know the song.

   �She sells C cells on the sea-shore, the cells she sells are C cells. I�m sure�. �

Then we look at the second word.  The �TPE� is the �Trans-Pennine Express�, a train which crosses England over the Pennine Hills, East to West, and returns, (strange to say), from West to East.

It was on this train, which twists and winds through narrow ravines, that a German tourist suffered a nasty experience.  He was standing near the open window, as the train jerked and rattled from one side to the other.  A well-intentioned Englishman warned him: �Look out!�

The German instantly obeyed this �instruction�, and looked out of the window.  Unfortunately, precisely at that moment, he received a sharp smack on the head from an overhanging tree.

The moral of this story is: �Beware of English idiomatic expressions�.

(Incidentally, why is �phonetic� not spelled �fonetic�?)

The third word in our phrase is, �Treman�.  Immediately, you recognise this as �Tree-man�, �Logger�, �Lumberjack�.

The �Treman� is our hero, Tom, a tree-feller, who travelled to England with his friends Dick, and Harry, looking for work, felling trees.  Soon, Harry, the third friend, found work on the local farms, gathering in the wild spaghetti harvest for the Greek restaurants.

Tom and Dick travelled on, until they saw a notice in a forest: �Tree fellers wanted�.  �Tree fellers!  What a pity there�s just the two of us!� said Tom.  �If Harry was here, we could have applied for that job!�

Tom had gained a reputation as the fastest lumberjack in the world.  In a contest, he had chopped down a 100 metre high tree with a 2 metre diameter trunk, in only 10 seconds.

�Where did you learn to chop down trees like that?�  �I practised in the Sahara Desert�.  �But there are no trees in the Sahara Desert�.  �No!  Not now, there aren�t!�   

Tom, on the Trans-Pennine Express, was on his way to Blackpool Beach, to work as a Lumberjack.  Beside him sat Sal.  When the train reached Blackpool, they walked on the beach, close to the Irish Sea.  Romance blossomed.

It was Sal�s mother�s birthday and Sal always sent her an unusual holiday souvenir.  �I�ve sent her a present from England, from Scotland, and also from Wales.  All I need now is an Irish gift�, she said.

Although many people thought that Tom was stupid, his mind was always ready with fresh, novel, exciting ideas. �The World is my Lobster�, he would often say.  He knew that Blackpool Beach was on the shore of the Irish Sea.

�Why not send her a bucket of water from the Irish Sea?" he said.  "I�m sure that the Lifeguard would sell us some!�

The tide was in, high up on the beach, almost at their feet, and the Lifeguard willingly sold Tom a bucket of water from the rolling waves.  He charged them only �5.  Sal posted the water off to her mother.

That evening, the two lovers strolled along the beach.  It was a beautiful evening.  The red sun was sinking in the sky.  The tide was out, now very low, almost 100 metres from the beach.  Tom spoke to the Lifeguard.

�Well, Mister Lifeguard, you�ve certainly had plenty of trade today.  I see that you�ve sold lots of water to the tourists�.