Welcome to
ESL Printables,
the website where English Language teachers exchange resources:
worksheets, lesson plans, activities, etc.
Our collection is growing every day with the help of many teachers. If
you want to download you have to send your own contributions.
My close colleague has asked me for advice, but I can�t help
her thoroughly:
�What should you do when you must cope with a student
who always quarrels with friends and even with you in class? When you try to
solve the problem, he/ she always mumble something in his/ her throat. It
proves that he/ she doesn�t care what you have said.�
This is a real tough one because I understand from another post that our cultural backgrounds will most likely have different views of this and that�s ok! Firstly though, for a child to be acting in this way indicates that they are really unhappy. What do you know of their home life? Have they fallen out recently within their peer group? Are they being picked on or have they become a bully themselves? Nearly in all cases if you be very strict with a child in turmoil they will most likely react with more unwanted behaviour. Although you will have I assume clear classroom boundaries and consequences, these must be applied in a consistent and fair way to everybody. Firm but fair. (I am not sure just what the level of unwanted behaviour is, that you are describing..) (Also remember it�s really hard to be negative to someone if they are really nice and positive towards you!This can be applied in life not just in the classroom!!!!!!)
Remember also that just because they are not responding verbally in the way that you would like doesn�t mean that they don�t hear you or care about what you have said. It will be hard, but you need to be as positive as possible to this student, so you can build a bond with them, really prove that you do care and want to listen and help. Find in a lesson ways you can give them positive praise for good behaviour, work well done etc. Really work on building their self esteem. Its not an easy road, or a short one, BUT it can be done even with the most difficult and problematic students. When a child realises that you actually LIKE them for them, and you are interested in what they have to say, they will be more open with you and you hopefully will form an excellent teacher/ student relationship.
There are so many situations that kids find themselves in today that are not their own doing, but they have to deal with the fall out. A lot of the time teaching is not just about standing in a room and teaching the lesson. Its also about everything related to how you can help and provide opportunities for students to develop and be the best they can be. I hope that you can help this student as they sound like they really need your support right now. :-)
To: Cheezels, Wow, Cheezels,
you have an utterly sensible analysis! OK, in any relationship
problems, there is always a stated reason and a hidden reason. A student
who likes quarreling has their own hidden reason, and as a teacher, we should find
the way to unveil his/ her mystery. It�s not easy but with deeply love, it�s
possible for us to find effective way. Furthermore, our responsibility is toteachthemhowtosolveproblems,to listentoeachotherandthentolookforsolutionsthatarefair. Thanks.
Couldn�t have read a better piece of advice!!! you must be a great teacher as well as a lovely human being, cheezels!!! the best of luck with that kid orchidd!!! hope you can draw the best in him or her!!!
Good, heartfelt & experienced advice there cheezels.
I feel that I must add a little more though - and this comes from a lot of personal experience from a VERY difficult situation... (a stepson that no school would accept as a student by the time he was 14 years old because of violence/drug related issues & some targeted learning in related psychology & classroom practice)
sometimes, no matter what you say or do, the student will not change. It is crucial that, as a caring, understanding and aware teacher/adult, that you do not take the situation too personally. It could be that the student in question has a problem not with you, the teacher, but with what he/she feels you represent.
You must:
- remain patient - remain calm - remain caring - do not take things as a personal attack or affront NO MATTER WHAT THEY DO (& I�ve had some very extreme experiences I would hope no one else has had to deal with) - do not threaten the student with extreme disciplinary action for trivial things as this will make them feel that you will �throw the book at them� for even the slightest (they feel) reason. Any disciplinary action must be in a controlled, well defined and manageable way.
I also believe the approaches detailed by cheezels are worthwhile- he is a fellow of much insight & experience - but please be aware that the student may not respond to you but you may well be the catalyst for future change.
I wish you & your colleagues all the best in this situation.
Thanks, I know my pic is of a swedish santa.... but I am actually a she :-) Alien boy that sounds like a very very tough situation to be in, I completely agree with everything you have said. Its true that in some cases the student will not change but at least as a teacher you can be there if needed and provide a safe place to fall. I worked for years in London in some of the most desperate and desolate areas. Where the parents would come to school stoned and drunk, the children facing the most awful situations, and many of them had undesirable behaviours (some learned from their parents...)...School for many was the only place that they felt like they mattered. Its a shame about the drugs situation, because I remember when I was young, stubborn, headstrong and I thought I knew it all, no one could tell me differently. (I never took drugs but I had plenty of teenage angst...) And unfortunately he probably doesn�t think he has a problem or can handle it? Hopefully he will mature, and find a way out of whatever situation he has found himself in. Hopefully his adult life will be drugs and violence free. Good luck and best wishes from Snowy Sweden!
one more thing re building positive self esteem - do not make your other students feel that suddenly the �difficult� student is now somehow your desired model. Remember not only to praise but to use constructive criticism. For example �That story you wrote was excellent. How about, when we do the writing practice tomorrow, you write even more about why he/she/it feels that this/that action was a good/bad idea?Is there something else they could have done besides hitting that person? What could make their relationship different? Is there something the other character can do that the main character doesn�t know about but would admire?� It�s important that praise also maintains value to the student rather than being something that is just given at the drop of a hat.
Praise can be like money - inflation can make its real value much lower!
Sounds like a tough environment - I can relate to that!
The boy in question is now a man & has spent several years in prison for assault, armed robbery, theft, drug dealing and the list goes on!! My experience with him was one of the main reasons for my studying education & wanting to become a teacher. A couple of the teachers he had, his mother & his brother & sister are simply amazing people!
Also, don�t forget that there is more than 1 student in your class, so don�t let him/her become the focus of the class because then it is to the detriment of them too!
Sometimes it is hard because you feel this one st5udent really needs you to be there just for them... but remember you have the same responsibility to all of your students!
Thanks again cheezels!
p.s The young man in question still has some redeeming values - I haven�t given up all hope. Despite the way my posts sound I am an optimist & a romantic/dreamer, so I never give up hope, I just temper my desire & emotions with some useful knowledge, compassion & practical experience & advice!
p.p.s. orchiddl, this is not an embarrassing situation. It�s very important to discuss & get help if a situation is difficult or out of control. No teacher/person is an island & you will never be the only one to have such an experience!
Basically, those children/teens are trying to attract others�attention. That may be for lack of love, communication, family�s attention and care or family problems.
I have found that getting closer to them, finding the ways to listen and help, makes a big difference. They need to know they are considered, loved and cared about.
When raising a problem like this, I don�t think to arouse the
sad plights you have truly experienced in your teaching life. Obviously we�ve
all experienced relationship problems at some time in our lives. They can be
heavy burdens unless we learn how to cope with them confidently and
effectively. My friend�s problem is trifle, not worth concerning in comparison
with your own cases. Anyway, what must be must be. Let�s put them aside.
Lots of thanks to both of you and frankly wish you Merry
Christmas.
Hey orchiddl, your problem is our problem :-) Anything we can do to help is fine! I think most of us at some point in our teaching careers face situations and problems that we really don�t know what to do, and that�s how we learn! Its the love of teaching that makes everything worthwhile! No matter how big or small the problem, if you need help I am sure there are many of us here who will try to help :-) It can be really stressful when dealing with a situation that you are unfamiliar with. Wishing you and your friend all the best for the New Year!
