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I �ve been reading a lot of articles in the newspapers lately. Many articles about how kids go wrong are attributed to schools and teachers. For example in Britain,2 young 13 years olds were pregnant and going to be parents. And Wham*bang* suddenly the discussion was all about how the school failed to teach them about contraceptives and what not. Where are the parents today???? What is their function today?
Why have teachers suddenly become surrogate parents? Not only do we have to teach the kids school subjects, but also how to get along, manners, etiquette, sexual education (that �s been around for a while, but I learned from my mom) and all other kinds of things that were once the parent �s job.
Teachers have to listen to frustrated parents at parent conferences who are so angry about one thing or another, when in reality, they just don �t have time for their kids and then take out their anger on the teachers. If that isn �t self denial, then I don �t know what is!!!!! We didn �t take a long education to become a nanny.
Kids should have the basic necessary upbringing with norms and values learned at home, before starting school. That �s my opinion. Most parents wouldn �t even recognize their own kids, if they saw how they acted in school. I �m not writing about ALL kids, but the few dysfunctionals who have a great impact on the class, as a whole. These parents, are often career people who have prioritized their jobs before family. So the kids are spoilt and have no limitations. A new title has been given to these parents - they call them "Terrorist Parents". Where, at one time, teachers were respected, now little Johnny is right and we teachers are bullies! I �ve seen great colleagues from different countries bite the dust because of these parents. Have you had these problems? How do we gain the respect we deserve and give back the upbringing of children to the parents? Just a thought. L
I guess there is such problem in every school in every country. People (parents) who as you said feel frustrated or dissatisfied just want to let their emotions out and they do not analyze who or what is the real cause of their problem. In such cases I try to talk to parents explaining them how their child might feel and what in my opinion they should or should not do. But one thing is certain this is a very interesting and useful issue to discuss.
Oh gz, Libertybelle! You �ve just said what i �ve been growling about for a few years now! Every year louder and louder but no one seems to listen ... Sec, let me read in detail what you �ve written and then will say what i think ... (oh, i love you )
Just yesterday one of our teachers had summoned the parents of a student whose nickname is Damage. The nickname tells you everything. Now, the teachers said what they had to say to the parents, and the mother, who was ´sick-worried´ for her son said in a soft voice: All right. We´ll keep in touch. You do whatever it takes, try to keep him calm, to behave, and we´ll help out as much as we can." I couldn´t believe it! I couldn´t hold back and said: "I think it should be the other way round. It´s YOU who have to do it all. We can only give you support from out here."
Since my country is going through a period of transition, a LOT of things are not right, if not all. The family, as the basic unit within which man is born, is broken up and is substituted with the family of the firm. And everything that is done, is done ´for the good of the firm´. In their frenzy to "get money, get it quickly, get it in abundance, get it in prodigious abundance, get it dishonestly if they can, honestly if they must" (Mark Twain), people have been driven away from from the biological in them, from the basic values that W. Blake called "Mercy, Pity, Peace and Love". And it´s not just career people, but also the making-ends-meet people. As companies, firms, shops, are being privatised here, the new owners would like to go from rags to riches over night so they exploit their workers who work for 10 hours (paid for 8) until the work is done and who are too wrecked to do anything when they get home. I have students (i work in a nearby village, in the south of Serbia, the area which is poor, compared to the north) who don´t see their parents at all during the day. And yes, you´re right, the parents expect us, teachers, to substitute for them, since they can´t perform their duties.
... let me gather my thoughts and ... take a moment ... i get so worked up about this because i want things to be different and they seem to get worse and worse ...
Blood h*ll YES! I totally agree with you! I have been teaching for years and it has got to the point that at Christmas you now hear, "Oh, I got this, and this, and this, and this, and this..." and birthdays are the same thing, not to mention communions or other events. When I was younger I got two gifts - one from my parents and one from Santa!
I just shake my head when parents try and substitute affection for gifts. They don �t realise that a child would probably prefer two hours of their undivided attention than that Action Man hero doll! And it is just getting worse - since when does an 8 year old need a cell phone?? I mean come on... cell phones are dangerous and are not even supposed to be sold to people under 16... (at least in Spain... ) BUT it is easier just to give in than "be a parent" and say no...
It doesn �t matter that that child might get brain cancer later on in life ... or be sooo bored with life that by the time they are 13 that they need "stronger" emotions to keep them interested in things because they have received everything they could ever want by the age of 11!! So they start taking drugs, having sex, etc...
I think it sad when a 6 year old come and sit on your lap and innocently tell you that their mom is called "Elisa" when in fact you know their mother �s name is "Maria"... obviously that poor child has come to see her nanny as her "mother" since her mother is never home...
God, I really could go on and on about this... It frustrates me to even think about it!
Did you watch that series that was on BBC prime, Teen Angels? In which the teens and the parents have problems at the beginning and then with the help of the psychologists the lost and damaged connections between them are renewed and from then on they function much better and with a lot more respect? Well, i subtitled one of the episodes and showed it to my colleagues in school. All the teachers were invited. I thought it was very important for the other teachers to see the programme because it
offered some answers as to how to deal with our teen �devils �, and they �rethe least to blame for what they are like. It is out of frustration that they behave the way they do, that they �re just sending the signs that something is wrong but we are blind to see, incapable of interpreting. Anyway, the episode was about a family, but since the teachers and the students are one big family, an analogy can be drawn and conclusions reached so that some action can take place. I thought i would �touch � only few people in the room there, but all 40 of them recognised the situations and were nodding or shaking their heads while watching. We discussed the problems we had in school and the importance of us being united in it all. I said: "I feel very lonely. I don �t get any support from any of you. Here �s a Q for you. Who bothered to check whether the students were respecting the rule of having their cell phones being turned off while in school? Who, but me??" etc.
Anyway, i �m working with the school psychologist on Step 2, of creating a workshop which would teach some of the teachers to be able to assume authority in class, to deal with a problem when it arises, etc. And even more importantly, we �re planning on inviting all the parents (esp. of the 13-14 y.olds) and doing a workshop with them too. It is obvious that they do not know how to deal with their kids. All they say "we �ve tried everything". ...
Unfortunately there were schools that I taught in the UK that the parents would come to school drunk, stoned, high.... I had one parent who barricaded herself and cut her three children with razor blades. I had one of the children in my class. He didn �t speak for most of the year and it took a lot of hard work 1:1 for him to trust me and speak to me.
Working in inner London certainly opened my eyes to some serious stuff... And it is the kids who are brought up in the most appalling conditions, with parents who wouldn �t know even how to cook a simple healthy meal (for example)... I have been bullied by parents, yelled at by parents, tried to be bribed by parents to change grades (when that didn �t work they went to the head and complained about me... still didn �t work) The kids in the UK know their rights, until recently if there was a fist fight you could not pull a child off the other you had to stand in the middle otherwise you would be accused of assault yourself...
I called a parent in for one child who had been very very troublesome (6 years old) calling me a f*ing B that he was going to F*ing Kill me, shouting abuse at the other kids in the class...When mum came... he continued and also swore at her... she laughed it off...and smilingly said... "please don �t say that... that is not nice..." and kept laughing... he of course kept swearing... She was pregnant with her 5th child at 22 years of age. What will become of this child down the track when it was already looking so grim for him at 6?????
The people who do care about the kids are fast leaving the profession, because its no longer about teaching but also being the parent, main carer, social worker, psychologist etc etc I worked 12 hour days as a primary school teacher in London with no breaks during the day. Lets just say I am now happy to be here in Sweden.
Teach the parents parenting skills and actually common courtesy and manners... and it just might trickle down to the children!
And i thought only we had problems like that! Yes, the answer is to get to the root of it and not the final product (the kids). I agree that parents should take parenting lessons. Just as Hetty from Peaceful Schools International pointed out at one of our meetings when she was visiting (http://peacefulschoolsinternational.org), in the past, kids were taught by parents, neighbours, people in the street, teachers, and today ... We seem to be the only �saviours � (i will be as bold as that and call us saviours) of the poor kids. And when i say US, i mean the devoted US! There are so many teachers here (Serbia) who just come to do the lessons and dash home asap so as to do their own private things. Urggghhh, i just loathe them. They �re a disgrace to our profession, just as are the ws thieves here (ESLp) ... Anyway, i may be worked up and all frustrated about it at the moment, but i don �t let them have the last laugh. Again, i will quote Lars Von Trier (film "Dancer in the Dark" with Bjork)
I just wanted to say that in Russia the situation is quite the same.
Teachers have to take almost all responsibility especially in private schools.
One of my p-s a ten-year old told me: Why should I study better if I don �t like it, my mother is not interested and anyway she �ll pay for Uni afterwards". He sees his mother only on weekends - she works. How can I ask him to work hard? I simply don �t have the guts for that.
I have exactly the same problems. They ask me "what do i need that for?" Do you know how girls/women in the USA gain confidence?? By going to Dr 90210. And you know who he is? A plastic surgeon! No beauty in wisdom. Only in shallow appearance ... In our yearning for a �better life � we �ve come to mere "living and partly living" (T.S. Eliot) No completeness of being. As Jung pointed out, feeling is reduced to sensation (dazzling disco/cafe lights), intuition reduced to mere reason (calculating, categorising, demystifying ...)
People, let �s get together! Unite! As Bob Marley would sing ... "ESL, unite!"
It �s the same problem in my country. I was questioned by parents of a 11 yr old girl about manners not being taught in school because the girl had been rude to the parents lately. i was stunned at that moment. I thought it should be the parents � responsibility. I told the parents that the girl had never been rude to me.
I �ve heard parents saying that they can �t handle their below 12 yrs old children when we try to tell them the problems we faced while handling the child. The most ridiculous remark was " you teachers are trained and you can �t control my child. We parents are not trained, so how can we control our child?" My question: why have children when you can´t even teach your child?
2 years ago, my 7 year old pupils told me that if they did well for their assessment, their parents are going to get them a cell phone. What can they hope or work hard for when they grow up?
I have heard colleagues complaining that they spent so much time on school work that they have no time for their own family and children. We should be devoted but not on the expense of our family. If not, we would be no difference from parents who prioritized their time on work.
Oooops, I thought it �s only in Lithuania teachers have to be all in one. Recently a teacher in our school was asked by mum of 8 yr old girl why school didn �t develop respect for parents these days.
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