Hi there!

 

I guess today has been the worst day in my teaching career and I need someone to look objectively at the situation and show me my mistakes.

  Last summer a woman phoned me to say that her son needed help with English and asked for private lessons. When he came to me he only knew the words "mother, father, one, two, three". I immediately established a good rapport with the new pupil. He was a very enthusiastic learner, easy-going and fun. His mother phoned to thank me because he was happy and started to love English. In autumn school began and I tried to include at least something from his school programme in our lessons, so that he could understand what was going on in his school English lessons (he was a 3-rd grader). That was very difficult because this year they had to learn the Present, Past and Future  Simple tenses and all we managed to cover during our several summer lessons was "It is", "This is", "I �ve got" , some numbers and colours, family members etc. His school textbook was awful. I had to record the audio for him to listen at home, made lots of games and presentations. I regularly saw his daybook with very bad marks and poor classroom behaviour ( almost every day). I thought that as long as we had a friendly relationship I could try and influence him, so that he would do better at school. Three months ago he stopped doing his(my) homework and started lying. I met his mum and told her about that. She said that he was like that at school, too. For the last two months we �ve been having "deja vu" lessons - we �ve been doing the same over and over again. I called his mum but she didn �t answer. I didn �t give marks - I used happy and sad faces near the hometask for his parents to see how we were doing. The last two pages had mostly sad faces. With each lesson I felt more and more desparate and disrespected. Last week I asked him why his mother didn �t answer my calls. He said he didn �t know. I said that he had to decide if he wanted to study or not and discuss that with his mother, because it �s not school and you don �t have to attend my lessons if you don �t want to. I called his mother later but she didn �t answer. The boy didn �t turn up for the next two lessons. Today I tried calling his mother again to find out if she knew about our conversation with her son and that he �s been absent. She answered this time: "You �re a bitch! How could you, fucking tutor, make my son cry?! You shoud have talked to me first!" I told her that she didn �t answer my calls, she said her battery was low. I tried to explain her the situation but she shouted "Fuck you!" and hung up.

 

I �ve been teaching kids for 15 years now and this is the first time I experience something like that. I don �t know what to think. How could I have acted instead of what I did?

The child obviously needs you as a tutor, given his performance at school.

 

I teach elementary and I think 3rd graders are not really capable of making important decisions like that about their education.  Perhaps giving him an ultimatum like that may have discouraged him.  

I �m not sure about students where you are, but tutors in Korea are notorious for giving parents only positive reports about their student, even if the student is bouncing off the walls and doesn �t learn a thing in class.  most parents appreciate the honesty but there are a few that are not open to hearing anything bad about their little angel, and if the student has any problems they think it is the teacher �s fault.  

 

There will always be people out there who don �t appreciate your hard work and are disrespectful.  All you can do is tread lightly and hope to minimize these negative experiences.  I just feel sorry the student, because if he is already behind he needs to catch up now or it will become even harder in the future. 

To my mind, this child doesn �t deserve your care dear friend. You did what you could so that the child could achieve something. Given the fact that his mother was not grateful, there �s no need for you to carry on with the child. It seems to me that the mother felt you �re doing very little with the child as his marks didn �t improve. So why worry about such an incident?

Thank you for your answers, valpa, nasreddine Sarsar, nachtwind and r1hmah!

 

  Nachtwind, you �re right saying that children this age can �t make tough decisions. It �s just that the only homework I gave him was to watch 2 short videos about weather and seasons and play some simple games online plus learn some words for his school lessons (the same words and same videos and games for the last 5-6 lessons - but he never did it).

   Last year my 5-year-old daughter asked for dancing lessons. Parents were present during the lessons so I could see that she spent a lot of time admiring herself in the mirror and not listening to or looking at the teacher. I told her that if she really wanted to dance she had to listen to the teacher and use the mirror at home. She agreed and now she �s one of the best in her dancing class.

    He hasn �t got any problems at home - he has always been in a good mood and I know everything about his family as he is very talkative :-) Besides, I had known his mother and uncle long before they contacted me (we live in a small town).

all the comments and advice are absolutely right. Only one more thing from my experience. Each time  I am asked to do the same kind of work to help a student emprove his or her English for school, I

1) give them a placement test,( showing  the parents the real level of his knowledge)

2) WARN them about the difference between his level and what the school programm requires. They must be aware of that  gap in advance to avoid that kind of situation. All the rest is - take no notice of bad and impolite people. It �s their problem, not yours.

 

Good luck!

This is hurtful for you. I used to tutor a little boy in French a long time ago. I arrived ready to give  the lesson once (I used to go to their house) to find that I had been replaced by another tutor! The kiddy had said I was boring!!!!!!! Me!!! I was desperately upset. The the parents ignored me for a while. The dad was my doctor. Happily, I stayed very healthy. I would attach no blame to the child - if they are idle and naughty, well...It �s not your fault. The mother, however, had no call to swear at you. How dare she! You must rise above this and let it go. Give a Mona Lisa smile if you bump into any of that family, and move on.

 

Lynne 

Cheers, Peter

 

 

Good riddance!

 

Holidays are coming, soon it will all blow over.

 

I have found it useful not to get too attached to my students emotionally.

 

Anyway - have a lovely summer.