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Ask for help > could you check it?
could you check it?
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Pedro14
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could you check it?
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Hi there, I �m writing a sample essay for my students and I have doubts about whether the idea I wanted to convey in the introduction paragraph is correct or not. Would you mind checking it? Thanks in advance. * Many are the benefits depicted in the media (on / about ??) being famous: a life of luxury and a large circle of friends, to name but a few. However, it is worth asking whether the image portrayed is as positive as it looks or it has been enhanced.
Oh, and another question. Can the adjective "state-of-the-art" be used to describe people? One students of mine has written: state-of-the-art cooks are common in my country. I feel it can´t but...
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27 Feb 2017
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douglas
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I wouldn �t use state-of-the-art to describe a person, their "technology" can�t be upgraded, but this could be discussable.
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28 Feb 2017
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Pedro14
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thanks Douglas! Can you tell me whether there is any mistake in the previous sentence i have used for an introduction paragraph? Thanks in advance. |
28 Feb 2017
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redcamarocruiser
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As for the writing sample, who is the audience? This will affect the style. If you are writing for your students, "Many are the benefits depicted in the media" seems stilted. For a general audience I would say, "There are many benefits to being famous, as seen in the media: having a life of luxury and a large circle of friends, etc/and so on/among others. The construction of a series should have parallel construction. Either "being famous: HAVING a life of luxury and a large circle of friends" or "fame: a life of luxury, and a large circle of friends, etc." If the audience is formal or academic, your style is acceptable. Many are the benefits depicted in the media regarding/in regard to/on being famous: a life of luxury and a large circle of friends, to name but a few. However, it is worth asking whether the image portrayed is as positive as it looks/appears or IF/WHETHER it has been enhanced/exaggerated.
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28 Feb 2017
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redcamarocruiser
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I agree with Douglas. "State of the art" does not describe people. You can say Cooks on the cutting edge of cuisine, or cooks using state of the art kitchens, etc.
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28 Feb 2017
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Pedro14
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Thanks a million for your help and corrections redcamarocruiser. It is a sample essay I would like to give some students of mine who are sitting the FCE in June. |
28 Feb 2017
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yanogator
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I don �t disagree with Mary, but I wouldn �t put "depicted in the media" in the middle of the phrase. I would say "There are many benefits of being famous depicted in the media:..." I agree about state-of-the-art. It refers to things that are made. Bruce |
1 Mar 2017
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