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Message board > Parents versus teachers
Parents versus teachers
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Hannale
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We face the same problems here in Greece as well.I guess the new generation is not as respectful as the older one.But didn �t you hear the same comments from YOUR teachers when you were a student?
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28 Jun 2009
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Ivona
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Ever since rights and rights were given to the ss/children, things deteriorated in the schools and elsewhere. It is because they (the children, the parents, the non-school staff) separated the rights from the responsibilities that went along with each other. Now, you �ll have students here saying "i have my rights" but never "i have responsibilities and i have to suffer the consequences for my actions". So things like this ( Ucenik samarao profesorku) happen in schools: Guess who was to blame ... That is why it is important to arouse an awareness of the existence of RESPONSIBILITY of the parents/children/teachers/the society ... The other day i posted about an episode of Teen Angels that i played to the parents and the teachers where the main point was just that - taking responsibility. And it was helpful. "Teen Angels" by Tanya Byron (and how to deal with them)
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28 Jun 2009
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anitarobi
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Oh, Ivona you couldn �t be more right!!!
I even caught my son, when he was 5, come home from kindergarten and talk to me about his rights, because they had talked about it there with their teachers, so he demanded rights. I told him rights have to be earned, and we earn them by showing we are responsible and reliable. He looked at me in shock, and my dad said �he �s too little �(classical case of us confusing size with mental and emotional abilities  ), but I got results that very same evening. He didn �t want to put his toys away before bedtime, so I told him he was going to lose his right to a special bedtime story. He asked if I was very angry, and I said I wasn �t , but that I would be very disappointed. So he went to his room, pondered for a while, tidied his room, and said: �Can I have my story now? � But this you can do with your kid/s(and it takes a lot of persistence, not giving up and giving in), and you can try to do it with your students. How they turn out, depends on their parents. Some of my sts � parents tell me their kids behave so differently in my classes from how they are at home (especially those kids who come to summer camp with us) and I am sometimes shocked when I hear the stuff they do or don �t do at home - it �s like talking about two different kids.
You remember, Ivona, some days ago, when I wrote you that saying �We are our parents and our children. � (btw, I still have no idea where I heard that, so if anyone does, pls, speak up)... It �s the same case all over again... |
28 Jun 2009
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cheezels
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I think most of us have had a run in with a parent at some point... my worst one was when England were in the football final (a few years ago now! 2002 or 2003?) and my school was in a very "undesirable" part of London. We knew that next to no parents would send their kids in for the start of school (8.50am) or maybe even for the day....
SO the school decided to open extra early put on breakfast and put the TV into the hall so that the parents could drop the kids off BEFORE the game and the kids could watch the game at school as it finished at 9.10 am and then classes would begin after that. Everyone came in around 6.30am!!!!! I mean this was done for the kids we certainly were not getting paid for it...
Anyway.... a child who was not in my class kept trying to leave the hall to go to the classroom. I would not let him as the kids were 5-7 years old and they cannot be in classrooms unsupervised. The game only had about 20 minutes to go so I kept directing him back to the hall and also saying he had to be there because his teacher was there (and there was no one in the classrooms.)... There was no telling off, no nothing. In fact it didn �t even register as an important incident of the day..
UNTIL his mother after school came and stood in the doorway of my class and started screaming at me how dare I make her son watch football when he didn �t want to. How dare I make him stay in the hall. She certainly did not hold back and was standing at this point right in my face going off in a full blown rant and tantrum. I have to admit I was taken aback, I was shocked and I was a bit frightened.
I explained to her about what the school had done, how everyone had been informed about it (obviously as the kids came in early) and the reasons why he could not be unsupervised in a classroom. She continued to scream and yell at me. At this point I walked off (really to get some assistance ASAP) and said that I would discuss the issue with her when she was able to talk calmly. The next three weeks+ I was bullied by her and her friends, letters were sent to the head teacher about how rude I was, how she never even raised her voice to me etc etc etc... LUCKILY for me another teacher had actually witnessed the WHOLE thing and was able to verify that I had not been rude and that she had pretty much verbally attacked me in my room while there were still some young children present at the end of the day.
I would love to be able to say that this has been the only time that parents have been abusive when coming to school to discuss their children... but unfortunately I can �t. During my 8 years working all over London, both in the state and private sector I can say that it happens TOO MUCH. I have been on the end of some truly shocking parental behaviour for example when I would not change a grade because his daughter had done NO WORK, bullied for telling a parent that I had concerns about their daughters progress and meeting with them to try and work out a plan of action to help her to be told that there was no problem with her learning the problem was my teaching. (Sigh)..... I have witnessed so many incidents of parents who have bullied teachers I have worked with over the years...Finding colleagues in tears in the staffroom....(and often in private schools you are not supported by the head as they bow to the fee paying parents in most cases).
Society has changed from when we were in schools. Why are some parents so abusive and rude to teachers? Because they can be and there really is no consequence for their behaviour. We are expected to deal with it.
Shame really.
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28 Jun 2009
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alien boy
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it could also be that there is now a lot more pressure on kids to get better results than those of us who finished school 20+ years ago.
When I finished Year 10 half of my fellow students were not going to complete the final 2 years of high school - they would get trade related work or similar. These days if you don �t have at least year 12 many employers won�t look at you for trade related work. There are very few apprenticeships available for those without completing all of high school as distinct from the old �leaving � or �school certificate �. This is particularly the case in the so called �first world � countries.
This in no way excuses �monster parents � but it does mean that the pressures on students & families are a little different with regards to education than 20, 30, 40 or 100 years ago... Education became compulsory in the 1870 �s in the colonies that later became Australia, but was difficult to enforce. After Federation it was still a State responsibility. Even as late as the 1970 �s it was common for teenagers to have only 3 or 4 years of high school education - university was definitely for the (usually) economic elite.
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28 Jun 2009
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Greek Professor
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Gee.... I thought that this happened only here in Greece... God...
Well ..u know... I think the WHIP should be brought back... A light punishment for the children... and if parents complain... A HARSHER WHIPPING for the parents....
....!!!!!! |
28 Jun 2009
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libertybelle
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We call them terrorist parents.
Unfortunately things have changed from "then" and "now".
I find a great deal of this behavior is based on the fact that parents are under so much pressure themselves with the career race - that they don �t have time for their kids and put all the responsibility of up-bringing and learning on the teacher �s shoulders. When things go wrong, these stressed parents explode and focus all their anger on the teachers.
(their little angels can do no wrong)
These career-minded parents have no other place to vent their anger and frustration. They can �t yell at their bosses - they work day and night and they buy obedience from their kids with gifts, computers, televisions, Ipods, anything that can entertain and baby-sit their kids.
I don �t get paid enough to put up with these "in denial of responsibility" parents.
We teachers have to put a stop to this - so many teachers leave their jobs because of the stress from these monster parents.
I would have died of shame if I had acted like this with my son �s teacher 15 years ago.
Today parents believe their kids before they believe the teachers. What kind of respect is that?
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28 Jun 2009
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Ivona
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LISA: Today parents believe their kids before they believe the teachers.
IVONA: Could it be the guilt thing?? They �re not there for them, so at least they can be on their side no matter if the children are right or wrong... The answer lies in educating the parents, the children, the teachers. The triangle must be an active one.
I didn�t mention in the Teen Angels thread all about the meeting with the parents. Although there was a discussion, it was mostly me talking and drawing a parallel between what we had watched and our ss�/children�s behaviour. The response that i got from the parents was �nodding� and �murmuring� either to themselves or to the person next to them, obviously commenting on the point being discussed. Unfortunately, none of them wanted to speak up. But after the meeting they came to me one-on-one to tell me that they agreed with everything i said and that they recognised themselves and their children in the episode but that they thought they would embarrass themselves in front of everyone if they spoke publicly about it. They thought of themselves as failures and that the others were probably much better parents ...
I have to run for another cherry-picking (to help a friend), so i can�t go on and on about this topic that interests me big time! See you around ...
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28 Jun 2009
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raquelgil
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The problem is not that they blame the administration or the institution, the problem is that they blame the teacher for all their child �s failures. It �s something very common in my country Spain.
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28 Jun 2009
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anitarobi
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Yes, raquelgil, and it �s because we �re THERE, so they tell us... it �s always the ones who are available that take the good AND the bad... I only wish they would be as ready and eloquent with nice things, compliments and thank yous, as they are with insults... But, people, let �s look on the bright side of things: WE are aware of this, and we are the ones spending so much time with these kids, and we CAN make a difference. And WE are also parents - let �s make OUR kids responsible, creative and respectful people. One step at a time, without giving up or giving in... it will work.
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28 Jun 2009
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