After being interviewed by the school administration, the teaching prospect said, "Let me see if I�ve got this right: You want me to go into that room with all those kids, correct their disruptive behavior, observe them for signs of abuse, monitor their dress habits, censor their T-shirt messages, and instill in them a love for learning. You want me to check their backpacks for weapons, wage war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, and raise their sense of self esteem and personal pride.

You want me to teach them patriotism and good citizenship, sportsmanship and fair play, and how to register to vote, balance a checkbook and apply for a job. You want me to check their heads for lice, recognize signs of antisocial behavior, and make sure that they all pass the state exams.

You want me to provide them with an equal education regardless of their handicaps, and communicate regularly with their parents by letter, telephone, newsletter, and report card.

You want me to do all this with a piece of chalk, a blackboard, a bulletin board, a few books, a big smile, and a starting salary that qualifies me for food stamps. You want me to do all this, and then you tell me.............. I CAN�T PRAY?"

"Isn�t the principal a dummy!" said a boy to a girl.

"Well, do you know who I am?" asked the girl.

"No." replied the boy.

"I�m the principal�s daughter." said the girl.

"And do you know who I am?" asked the boy.

"No," she replied.

"Thank goodness!" said the boy with a sign of relief.

A man walks into a bar and orders one shot. Then he looks into his shirt pocket and orders another shot. After he finishes, he looks into his shirt pocket again and orders another shot. The bartender is curious and askes him "every time you order a shot, you look in your shirt pocket. Why?" The man replies, "I have a picture of my wife in my pocket and when she starts to look good, I go home."
...

Why We Never See Anything on Mars...

thank you for this fun time!!!! You have made my day.

Three mischievous boys went to the zoo one day for an outing, since they had the day off from school.

They decided to visit the elephant cage, but soon enough, they were picked up by a cop for causing a disturbance.

The officer hauled them off to security for questioning.

The supervisor in charge asked them to give their names and tell what they were doing at the elephant cage.

The first boy innocently said, "My name is Gary, and I was just throwing peanuts into the elephant cage."

The second added, "My name is Larry, and all I was doing was throwing peanuts into the elephant cage.

The third boy was a little shaken up and said, "Well, my name is Peter, but my friends call me Peanuts."

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. �Human beings are the only animals that stutter,� she says. Little Johnny raises his hand. �I had a kitty-cat who stuttered,� he volunteered.

The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked young Johnny to describe the incident.

�Well,� he began, �I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!

�That must�ve been scary,� said the teacher.

�It sure was!� said Johnny. �My kitty raised his back, went �Fffff, Fffff, Fffff�� and before he could say �F*ck�, the Rottweiler ate him!�